Stay
by thewrinkleintime
Summary: Oh shit, he thinks. He hadn't meant to say that, hadn't meant to disclose something that huge, that personal, to people he only just met. Part 1 of Surviving the Dark


AN: Warnings for references to suicide and past suicide attempts. This is the first part of Surviving the Dark, but it can be read as a stand-alone.

* * *

"It's in case you need to kill me, but you can't! I know, I tried!"

Oh shit, he thinks. He hadn't meant to say that, hadn't meant to disclose something that huge, that personal, to people he only just met. The words hang in the air and the team freezes for a moment as their implication sets in.

Bruce doesn't know where to look but somehow his eyes drift to Stark. He had been expecting pity, or surprise at the least, but when he meets his gaze all he sees is pain. A man he met only hours before, showing such emotion for him. Bruce doesn't know what to make of it. Stark wasn't scared of him, he didn't see him as a monster, and even after hearing his accidental admission, he didn't pity him.

"I put a bullet in my mouth and the Other Guy spit it out." He's still staring at Stark, and it feels important, though he doesn't quite know why, that he knows what happened. Stark gives an almost imperceptible nod and Bruce feels like somehow he understands.

* * *

Later, after the battle, when they're all bruised and tired and somehow still moving, Tony and Bruce end up alone. They're laying on the floor of Stark Tower, looking up where the ceiling used to be, but was now just broken glass and sky.

"I tried to once." Tony breaks the comfortable silence that had fallen between them.

"What?"

Tony turns his head to look at Bruce. "I tried to kill myself once."

"Oh." Bruce should probably say something else, but his mind is spinning with this knowledge and he isn't quite sure what to make of it.

"Pepper stopped me."

A pause.

"Why did you do it?"

"I didn't think there was anything worth sticking around for."

"But now?"

"I was wrong." Tony shifts so he and Bruce are facing each other. "There's Pepper, and shawarma, and Jarvis, and Doctor Who, and annoying Fury, and so many other things."

"Like what?" An edge of urgency creeps into Bruce's voice; this is important.

"Like you."

Bruce is stunned silent for a long moment. "I'm worth sticking around for?" He's a bit incredulous.

"Of course you are," Tony scoffs, as if it were the most basic of facts and he couldn't comprehend any alternative. "You're intelligent and selfless and look good in that purple shirt-you should wear that more often by the way. Besides, who else can I talk science to? And you're the only giant green rage monster I know."

There's a lot in Tony's response that deserves some elaboration, but he puts that aside for now. "The Other Guy isn't-" Tony cuts him off before he can finish.

"The Other Guy is part of you. And if you're worth sticking around for, so is the Other Guy."

Bruce falls silent. He wasn't used to someone seeing him as a whole person, as something more than a monster. But Tony saw him, he saw the scientist and the doctor, and he saw the Other Guy as well, but that didn't scare him. He wasn't frightened of Bruce or the Hulk, and he didn't pity him, in fact, he claimed that Bruce was worth living for. No one had ever told him that before.

Bruce can feel the Hulk in the back of his mind; he's pleased, Hulk likes metal man.

Tony doesn't give Bruce a chance to argue, instead he pulls him to his feet and drags him off to go look at his new electron microscope. There's a project Tony wants Bruce's help with, and he has a stack of Doctor Who DVDs he needs someone to watch with him.

* * *

The next day Tony has someone come and pick up Bruce's things. Bruce is moving into Stark Tower whether he likes it or not. He puts up a bit of an argument, but it's mostly for show; New York isn't so bad, and Tony promised him his very own lab.

In his head he starts to make a list of reasons to stick around. By the time the day is over he has three: Tony, laughing (preferably with Tony), and the Other Guy, who Tony keeps trying to coax out so he can test the durability of this new metal he created. (Pepper has hidden all of his electrical probes, for which Bruce is grateful- getting poked in the side with one of those things is painful.)

It's late afternoon and they're watching an episode of classic Doctor Who when Tony takes his hand and gives it a gentle squeeze. Bruce is a bit startled but after a moment returns the grasp. The Hulk purrs with contentment and Bruce adds two more items to his list: Doctor Who and hand holding.

* * *

When Bruce wakes the next morning he finds all of his shirts have been replaced with purple button ups.

"Tony!" He yells, hoping he wakes him from next door.

A few minutes later though and it's Pepper that sticks her head in. "What did he-oh." She sees the shirts. "He's right though, you do look good in them." Bruce sighs. There's no point in resisting, he'll never win with Pepper on Tony's side.

Tony chooses that moment to enter. "Ah, I see you found my present." He gives Bruce a once-over. "Hurry up and get dressed, I've got pancakes in the works. Blueberry or chocolate chip?"

* * *

After that Bruce's list grows until he loses count of the number of items. He still has bad days, but now he's not alone; there's always someone to help pull him back up if needed. So Bruce wears the purple shirts, and eats Tony's blueberry pancakes, and works in his lab, and lives. There are times when he doesn't want to, but he does, he keeps going and he lives.


End file.
